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Length of Rope Beer Joke
A length of Rope went into a bar, sat on a stool, and ordered a beer. The Bartender said, "We don"t serve Ropes here." Dismayed and disappointed, the Rope went out and then got an idea. He stopped a man and asked, "Will you please tie a knot in me and separate my strands at both ends?". The man obliged, and with this done, the Rope went back into the bar and again ordered a beer. The Bartender looked him over and said, "Say, aren"t you the same rope who was in here before?!" "No," was the reply, "I"m a frayed knot."

Trivia Beer Jokes
It was the accepted practice in Babylonia 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride"s father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer, and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the "honey month" - or what we know today as the "honeymoon". Before thermometers were invented, brewers would dip a thumb or finger into the mix to find the right temperature for adding yeast. Too cold, and the yeast wouldn"t grow. Too hot, and the yeast would die. This thumb in the beer is where we get the phrase "rule of thumb". In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them to mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. It"s where we get the phrase "mind your P"s and Q"s". Beer was the reason the Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock. It"s clear from the Mayflower"s log that the crew didn"t want to waste beer looking for a better site. The log goes on to state that the passengers "were hasted ashore and made to drink water that the seamen might have the more beer". After consuming a bucket or two of vibrant brew they called aul, or ale, the Vikings would head fearlessly into battle often without armor or even shirts. In fact, the term "berserk" means "bare shirt" in Norse, andeventually took on the meaning of their wild battles. In 1740 Admiral Vernon of the British fleet decided to water down the navy"s rum. Needless to say, the sailors weren"t too pleased and called Admiral Vernon, Old Grog, after the stiff wool grogram coats he wore. The term "grog" soon began to mean the watered down drink itself. When you were drunk on this grog, you were "groggy", a word still in use today. Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle", is the phrase inspired by this practice.

Male Chauvinist Beer Jokes
Q: How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer? A: None. It should already be opened by the time the woman brings it
Yesterday scientists in the USA revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory they fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them lost all sense of reasoning, started talking nonsense, and couldn"t drive.

Dirty Beer Joke
A man walks into a bar, sits down and orders a beer. As the bartender serves him, the man looks down and sees a chimpanzee sitting on a barstool at the end of the bar. So he says to the bartender, "Hey man, what"s with the chimp?" The bartender laughs and says, "Watch this!" The bartender walks over to the chimp, turns it around on the barstool and punches the chimp right in the mouth, knocking it off the barstool. The chimp gets up off the floor, pulls down the bartender"s zipper and gives the bartender a blowjob. The customer says, "Wow!! Can I try that?" "Sure thing," says the bartender. "Great," says the customer, "But don"t hit me as hard as you hit the chimp."


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